And two jokes:
Joke, the first:
A man comes home from work one day to find the house in complete chaos. The kitchen is piled high with dirty dishes, food is strewn across the floor, the living room looks like a bomb hit it, and two filthy, fighting children are sitting in front of the TV. With an increasing sense of panic, he runs through the house towards the bedroom. There, he finds his wife sitting up in bed, with a book in front of her and a box of chocolates beside her.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” he cries out.
She looks at him.
“You know how you come home every day and condescendingly ask ‘And what did you do today, dear? ‘ Well, today, I didn’t do it.”
Joke, the second:
A woman manages to sneak away from the family for a short girls night out. When she goes up to the bar to get a drink, she finds herself next to the most gorgeous man she’s ever seen. He catches her eye.
“Hey, Ma’am. Tonight’s your special night. If you ask right, I will do anything you want, anything you can think of. I will fulfill your every desire. [Can you just imagine him running his tongue over his lips at this point?] There’s just one catch. You can use only three words to tell me want you want me to do for you. So, go ahead. Tell me.”
The woman considers for only a moment before she looks him in the eye and says, “Clean my house.”
Hat tip: Crossing the Rubicon