Autres temps, autres moeurs

DQ forwarded this email to me today. As he commented, it’s an exaggeration, but not by much:

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1977 – Vice principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his own shotgun to show Jack.
2007 – School goes into lockdown, the RCMP are called, Jack is hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gu n again. Counselors are called in to assist traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1977 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 – Police are called, SWAT team arrives and arrests Johnny and Mark. They are charged with assault and both are expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario: Jeffrey won’t sit still in class, disrupts other students.
1977 – Jeffrey is sent to the principal’s office and given a good paddling. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 – Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra provincial funding because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbour’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1977 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 – Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has an affair with the psychologist.

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some Aspirin to school.
1977 – Mark shares Aspirin with the school principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 – Police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Pedro fails high-school English.
1977 – Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2007 – Pedro’s cause is taken up by local human rights group. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that making English a requirement for graduation is racist. Canadian Civil Liberties Association files class action lawsuit against provincial school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English is banned from core curri culum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover Canada Day firecrackers, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up an anthill.
1977 – Ants die.
2007 – Canadian Firearms Centre and the RC MP are called and Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. CSIS investigates parents, siblings are removed from the home, computers are confiscated, and Johnny’s dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls during recess and scrapes his knee. His teacher, Mary, finds him crying, and gives him a hug to comfort him.
1977 – Johnny soon feels better and goes back to playing.
2007 – Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in federal prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy.

5 Responses

  1. BW, This was posted over at American Digest, after first being noted in Sippican’s Cottage, which is another of my new favorite reads…there is something wondrous about you common sense bloggers living in liberal utopias that makes your writing so rich and creamy and damn delicious! You, Vanderleun in Seattle, Bill Whittle, in LA, and now Sippican, from his Cottage in Massachusetts. The original post of this can be found their, and it is called The Borderline Sociopathic Book for Boys. It is a play on the book called The Dangerous Book for Boys.

  2. Here is some of the original text from the Borderline Sociopathic Book for Boys

    (Since the Dangerous Book has upped the ante by claiming that learning to play chess makes you a ninja, we’ll have to stoke the furnace of hyperbole further to get noticed at this point.)

    1. Ride a bicycle without a helmet. You heard me. And no spandex spangled with lavender and chrome yellow blotches and French words. You’ll wear canvas shoes, too. You will not have anything with you that people with helmets refer to as “hydration.” Eventually, you can get a blast of rubber-tasting hot water from a garden hose.

    2. Tell your 5th grade teacher, when she starts in with the Vegan lecture again during a spelling lesson, that you’re going to kill and eat your supper as soon as you can get your hands on some weapons. Then inform her that if she gives you anything less than a ‘B” on any report card because you told her that, your father will have a phalanx of lawyers turn her life into a deposition purgatory. Then don’t pass in any homework for the remainder of the term. Let’s see who has the stones.

    3. We’re playing FOOTBALL, without any equipment but the ball. There are no rules, so this chapter is short. Soccer is Irish stepdancing with a ball introduced. We don’t want any of that.

    4. We’re going out with dad on Earth Day, and we’re cutting down a tree with a chainsaw. Dad is hung over and is in a hurry and there is only one set of ear and eye protection, so one of you risks blinding, the other deafness. Solidarity is the hallmark of any male bonding ritual. The chainsaw’s guard is cheap and flimsy, but that doesn’t matter because it came out of the box broken anyway. Which leads us to…

    5. Duct Tape. We’re going to use a lot of duct tape. We are going to dress our wounds, splint our shins, fix our tools, and tape our little brother’s door shut with glorious, magnificent Duct Tape. When the womenfolk complain about the gummy residue it leaves on your siblings, we will remove it with rags soaked in acetone. These will be disposed of improperly. I guess. Who reads the MSDS sheet? Girls.

  3. During my high school days ( ’70-’74 ) friends and I would go to the railroad tracks on the edge of town with our shotguns and plink away at cans and such without so much as raising an eyebrow. Couldn’t do that now.

  4. Uggh, I meant to say, found there…psst. Don’t tell no one, no how, that I was EVER a proof reader. No threat implied.

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